Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
