I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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