I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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