her vagine was all disorganized.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
