If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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