i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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