well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
