I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
