Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
