I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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