she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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