so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
