Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
