Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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