she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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