i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
