I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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