I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
