thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and she was petting her beer can
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
