I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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