Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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