sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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