why didn't you poke me back
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
