This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
