I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
