Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
