i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
