Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
