Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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