Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
