i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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