He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
