You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
