Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
