Sponge bath it is.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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