I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
