ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
