the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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