Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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