My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
