He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
is wine microwaveable?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
