If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
