found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I'm really busy with my period
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