i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
