I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
