he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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