It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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