Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
