i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
