Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
