i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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