No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
