one word: firstdatebathroomanal
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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