so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
