There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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