You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
