Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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