I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
