Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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